


It is what it is

by Crysis



Category: The Walking Dead
Genre: Adorable, Crushes, Dasus, Desus - Freeform, First Kiss, First ever fic, Fluff, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Scars, Slow Burn, Sort of canon divergence, darus - Freeform, not really - Freeform, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 08:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10487019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crysis/pseuds/Crysis
Summary: Daryl Dixon was 100% straight. Yep. 100%. That is, until he met a certain someone by the name of Jesus.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is my first ever fic that I've written so if we could go easy on the hate mail that would be fab!!
> 
> I am desus trASH and I am happy to cry with you all over our intense feels and I am very proud that my first ever fic belongs to the wonderful ship that is  
> desus!
> 
> *Update* On second thought I think that this fic would be better as a stand alone thingy so I’m not going to update it. Sorry :|

Daryl Dixon was straight. He might be a worthless piece of shit but as long as he was straight then maybe he'd turn out alright in the end. Something to do with God being a homophobic asshole and how being gay will send you on the express way to hell, yada yada yada. At least that's what his daddy told him when he was a boy. Or rather, beat into him.

Daryl had never had a reason to question his sexuality. To be honest, sometimes he'd even wondered if he had a sexuality; to him everyone sometimes just seemed to be the same and to be even more honest, Daryl got tired of it. Tired of the intricacies and the delicacy and all of the useless noise. So that's why he stopped. Stopped caring, stopped trying (not that he'd ever opened up to anyone else more than the briefest of stolen touches or a hesitant brush of skin, and he didn't count his daddy's fists). 

It's not like anyone would want him anyway. He was useless, worthless, nothing and nobody could convince him otherwise. Those three words were drilled into him, seared into his mind as though with a hot poker, years of abuse and neglect pounding them into his every movement. And so yeah, Daryl was as straight as an arrow because he had to be and because goddamn it he didn't know what he'd do if he weren't. 

All his life, he'd never had need to question that fact, even after the world went to shit and women were running scarce. It was just fact.

But then he met Jesus (Paul? He thinks he prefers Paul...) and that was when he started to question himself. 

He had never felt like this about anyone before. Never. And he didn't know what that meant and goddamn did it suck. He could practically hear Merle's scathing, entirely too homophobic comments as Daryl watched Jesus from across the room of the large mansion that crowned Hilltop. 

The room was dark, most of the curtains having been drawn to keep the room cool in the hot midday sun. Only a few slithers of light danced across the room, striping their way over ancient items of furniture that have outlived far too many people. The majority of Rick's group and Jesus were standing around a central table, waiting for Maggie to return from her negotiations with Gregory. They were spaced fairly evenly around the room, Glenn the only one to be moving (in agitation for his pregnant wife who was currently alone in a room with a stranger) and Jesus, the only one to be standing in one of the sunny little strips. Daryl observed as the sunlight seemed to form a sort of halo around his head, reflecting off of his stray hairs. How poetic. 

And no, he wasn't crushing on him or any of that shit and he wasn't turning into some sappy prick. But there was that pull, that desire, just below the surface to stand a little closer and just watch the way that the light falls through his hair and makes his eyes seem almost white. 

Daryl's reverie was only broken when Rick waved a hand in front of his distracted gaze, saying, "Hey buddy, you there?" Daryl could feel heat rising to his cheeks as he realised that he had been staring. He ducked his head both as a reply to Rick and to avoid eye contact with a certain someone whom had previously been the recipient of his wandering stare. Daryl could feel the colour in his cheeks deepen when he glanced up and saw the small smile ghosting on Paul's lips as they made eye contact and ducked his head once again in an effort to try and cover his blushing cheeks. 

Gawd, what's wrong w'me? Daryl internally groaned and kicked himself. I ain't about t'get pussy whipped by some pretty boy wh' goes by the name o' Jesus. I mean, seriously? Get a fuckin' grip Dixon. 

He vaguely registered Rick's and Maggie's voices and decided to pull himself together before he made a fool of himself again. Upon her return to the group, Maggie appeared to be telling the others what Gregory had said - something about a negotiation for trade and one of his men having been taken by the Saviours. 

Rick was the first to respond to Maggie's story; "Now, I think that we should take Gregory up on his proposal. He gives us the necessary supplies that we need and in turn we will help to get his man back. O' course we're gonna have to run it by the rest o' the group before we make any decisions and if anyone here has any objections to the plan then I'd like to know it." Nobody spoke up, and Daryl certainly wouldn't be the one to object. "God knows that Hilltop will hopefully prove to be invaluable in this fight against Negan."

And that's how Daryl ended up altogether far too close for comfort next to Jesus in the rather all too crowded RV. They had agreed that they would travel back to Alexandria, where they were to discuss their plans with the rest of the group. Daryl wasn't all too happy risking his ass for some stranger who he'd never even met but he understood that it was important for them if they were ever to ally with Hilltop and take down the Saviours. 

And so that's how Daryl ended up crushed in the back of the stuffy old RV with Paul, close enough where he could almost bury his face into the crook of his...

No. 

He needed to get this man out of his head. Daryl had never been the type to be all sappy n' shit and he certainly wasn't going to start now. He needed to keep his wits about him if they were going to win this fight against Negan, and that was certainly not going to happen if Daryl was going to follow Paul everywhere with his head shoved up his ass. He decided to keep his distance. 

Daryl distracted himself by picking at the peeling paint on the inside of the wall next to him, watching as layer after layer stripped away until the surface was bare, and there was just one big jagged line where it used to be painted. It did not do much to help distract him. 

The ride back to Alexandria was both excruciatingly slow and much too fast for Daryl's liking. It was stiflingly hot where Daryl was sitting, though he wasn't sure whether that was because of the actual temperature or the fact that he was pressed up so close next to Jesus. It was probably the latter. Jesus was making absent minded chatter with Maggie and Glenn about their sonogram, but Daryl was finding it hard to focus on anything that he was saying because of the way that his hair was catching the light. God how he wanted to touch that hair...

Daryl caught himself before he could finish that thought. He wasn't even sure if he was sexually attracted to Jesus, he just had an intense desire to want to get to know him better. He wanted to know everything about him - what he did before it all started, if he had any siblings, what his favourite colour is, everything. Daryl of course could never allow himself to get that close to someone and he was positive that Paul would never in a million years want to get that close to him. There was just no way. So Daryl resigned himself to peeling the paint away and absent mindedly listening to Jesus laugh with Maggie over what she should name their baby (Paul reckons that Jesus would be a great name). 

Before he knew it the gates were being hauled open by a disinterested looking Eugene and the RV was driven inside. Daryl shifted uncomfortably as the smaller man swayed against him as the vehicle swerved up the drive. This was far, far too close for comfort. 

He let out a breath he hadn't known he had been holding when finally the RV shuddered to a stop and everyone began filing off. Daryl was last after Jesus and couldn't help but notice the obvious height difference between them as the younger man walked in front of him. It definitely wasn't cute. Not at all. 

The pale sunlight hit Daryl's face harshly as he stepped onto home ground once again causing him to narrow his eyes sharply, and he had to take a minute to adjust to the sudden change in lighting. They began to follow the others towards the church, Jesus looking around curiously at his surroundings as he had only ever seen them before at night. 

"What do you think of Rick's plan?" Jesus asked out of nowhere, catching Daryl off guard. A soft breeze rustled through a few surrounding trees, the only sound apart from the soft voices from the other people around them and distant moans from walkers on the other side of the fence. Daryl tried to gather his thoughts to form a coherent answer that wouldn't make him sound like a complete idiot. 

"Uhh, s'alright I guess. It's a risk tho'. We don't know for certain how many men Negan's got after all," and I don't think I could take losing anyone else, he finished silently. He didn't know why he didn't say it out loud. 

Jesus looked at him archly and nodded in silent agreement at Daryl's statement. Daryl swallowed thickly under the weight of that gaze and quickly shifted his own away. Christ, Daryl thought, moving his gaze upwards this time and wiping his clammy palms on his trousers, as though praying that he could learn how to interact like a normal fucking human being for once in his life. Daryl mentally kicked himself for the second time that day.

As the church grew closer, Daryl began to feel apprehensive as to the result of the discussion. What if they decided not to go through with the plan? What would Jesus do then? Would he return to Hilltop? Probably. Daryl couldn't decide how to feel about that thought. On the one hand, having him out of his hair would surely mean that whatever compulsion Daryl had towards Jesus would go away, right? He hoped so, because whatever this was was killing him. But on the other hand, he didn't like the idea of leaving Hilltop to fend for itself against the Saviours. He didn't know if he could do that to Jesus. 

His musings would soon be put to rest however as they grew ever closer, and it dawned on Daryl that one way or another there was going to be a war with Negan, no matter the result of their debate. He just knew that Negan wasn't going to be the type to let that sort of shit go. Daryl just hoped that they wouldn't lose their alliance with Hilltop, however temporary it may seem. And maybe there was something (or someone) else who would make this battle a hell of a lot easier whose fate may be decided today. So yeah, Daryl was just a little nervous. 

He and Paul exchanged a troubled look upon reaching the church steps, and that single sign of solidarity between them was enough to give Daryl the strength to enter. 

There was a war to be decided upon. 

\---

**Author's Note:**

> So did I do alright?? I'm terrified that I've just butchered all of the characters and I've done a horrible job so please feel free to give me any advice and leave a comment to let me know if you liked it!!


End file.
